Give Up Giving In…

Is there a fine line between being there for someone “no matter what” and being that someone’s doormat? How fine? Microscopic?

Again, as some of my Twitter followers know, I wrote an email a few weeks ago. I’ve been having problems with a friend.

Now, I’ll be the first to admit that I hate starting sentences by saying “Dr. Phil says” but Dr. Phil once said that you shouldn’t
marry someone unless you’ve seen them sick. Because when you’re sick you become a big whimpering baby, and if your potential partner can’t handle that, then you’ve got a serious relationship problem. But I also think it gives the sick person a chance to see how their partner would take care of them when they need it most (and in the face of malady-fueled mood swings and inevitable disease catching) Now my situation is certainly not romantic, but I feel like you can still judge your friends based on how they’re there for you when you need them most. I was bedridden and bored. And not a single friend came to visit me. No one sent me flowers or brought me junk food, or even asked if there was something they could do for me. Now, I had no expectations of this stuff from most of my friends. But considering our history, I can’t seem to forgive this one friend for totally dropping the ball.

For the past 4 months, I’ve been trying to reconcile how I feel about their treatment of me.  It also hasn’t helped that ever since then, our friendship has been completely one-sided; it’s just me, keeping our friendship going. And on top of that, the friend has been lying to me. The last time I saw this person, they lied to my face. To say that I’m hurt is an understatement.

I wrote an email confronting them, but I haven’t sent it. It definitely felt good to get the words out of my head. But I’m absolutely phobic about “burning bridges” and once you send the words, they can’t be taken back.

So where do you draw the line when it comes to friendships? What factors do you let override lousy treatment of you?

(My blog titles are song titles. Today’s is “Give Up Giving In” by Amanda Marshall – hello 90’s flashback)

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5 thoughts on “Give Up Giving In…

  1. Jeff says:

    Just found your blog. Funny how the first post I read was so true in my own life. I have a friend who has really become more of an accquaintance lately, they never call me, I’m always the one to make the first move. Yet I wouldn’t ever want to burn those bridges either.

  2. Sandra says:

    Hey Hilary,
    A lot of warning signs, with it being one sided and then lying. In my life, I’ve let people in and out of my life. I only keep the ones that been there for me and let the others go. Its sad to let people go but you can keep them at a superficial level. Maybe at a future date, things may change, but not right now. I prefer quality over quantity and I have some AMAZING friends. They are like diamonds.
    I believe in the adage that you teach people how you want to be treated, and I know you don’t deserve this bull this supposed ‘friend’ is dishing out. Its okay to ask for the respect you deserve because you deserve it!
    Sandra

  3. Air says:

    You know with my past ramblings that I’m so there…but by not really doing anything for awhile I suppose I did make a decision and ended our relationship. Haven’t seen her in two years. It’s sad, but I’ve moved on. (Other than the odd facebook creep…that’s allowed, right?) : )

  4. Lalondek says:

    Hey hun,
    This man, whoever he is, is not worth your time. It sounds like he enjoys stringing people along. Also he probably has pretty low self esteem. To willingly hurt another the way he did. Either that or he’s a clueless little boy. And maybe one day you could be friends again, when he has grown up. But until then, you deserve to be with a real man. An honest, good, sweet and fabulous man.
    I know I was one of those friends that didn’t visit you when you were sick. And for that I’m truly sorry. I didn’t give you a chance when I should have. But I can say that I’m very happy we are good friends now and I can’t wait to get to know you better in 2010.
    You are truly a phenomenal woman and I hope that no one ever makes you feel any less than that again. I say we make 2010 the year of good wine, great friendships with new amazing people, and a whole lot of fun.
    Hugs!

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