Heart Skipped A Beat…

And not in a good way. I’m moving (which I’ll address in a “catch-up” blog post soon) and I’ve been setting up everything I need to do for this move. Which includes changing my address and setting up the mail forward with Canada Post. I know that it can be done online, so I happily went to the site to do it. Only to have the sh!t (almost literally) scared out of me.

Naturally, I sent a strongly worded complaint email to them, which I’m posting for your reading pleasure below:

Dear Canada Post,

I want to thank you for the absolutely terrifying experience this morning. It’s been a long time since I felt the blood drain from my face and my palms drip sweat uncontrollably.

I’m speaking, of course, in reference to what I went through trying to set up the Change of Address mail forward online.

First of all, I do want to thank you for allowing us to complete this online. The previous times I’ve done this have been a long-line-waiting experience. So I thank you for helping me to avoid this for my next and future moves.

However, I would like to ask you why you felt it was necessary to scare me to the point of an adrenaline rush of terror with those ridiculous credit questions. Every question asked made me absolutely panic, wracking my brain trying to remember what I was doing in August 2007 or May 2005.

You asked me about a car loan, car payments, a gas credit card, and a student line of credit. As none of these applied to me, I hesitantly (and hopefully) selected “None of the Above”, because to my knowledge none of the above was the answer.

But was it? Identity theft affects millions of people in North America; 38-48% of victims find out within 3 months, and 9-18% of victims take more than 4 years to discover the theft has occurred. Was I one of those poor 9-18% who had no idea that someone was living of my credit?

And then after selecting my answers, I’m taken to the Transaction Confirmation page, which makes no mention of the third degree I just went through, and instead casually informs me that my transaction is complete and my credit card will be charge. Did I pass? Did I fail? WHAT ARE THE RIGHT ANSWERS? TELL ME, DAMMIT!

Because I could barely sit still, a knot growing in every muscle in my body, I quickly went to the Equifax site and paid the $15.50 for my online credit report. Which showed that there were NO such loans, credit cars, or lines of credit in my name.

As I basked in the happy glow of relief, a question came to mind. WHAT THE HELL? Why the emotional gauntlet simply to set up mail forward? Now because I’m a stereotypical Gen Y, I tweeted about my experience. And unsurprisingly, others replied that they had gone through the same experience.

Are you and Equifax in on this together? Terrify the Canada Post customer into spending money on a credit report at Equifax? FYI, your master plan would work better if you put a link to Equifax on the Transaction Confirmation page. At this point, I would really like my money back from Equifax. Or better yet, please take $15.50 off my $42 Change of Address fee.

It’s too bad this letter is already kind of long; I was also going to discuss your overuse of the word “holiday” during this CHRISTMAS season.

Thank you,
Miss Hilary Darrah

P.S. BT-dubs, as a stereotypical Gen Y, I’d prefer your reply via email, not phone. I screen my calls.

(My blog titles are still song titles. Today’s is “Heart Skipped A Beat” by The xx)

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