Fix You [Up]…

You’ve heard them before, those nasty seven characteristics you’re supposed to try to avoid. The 7 Deadly Sins: Wrath, Greed, Sloth, Pride, Lust, Envy, and Gluttony. But I’ve noticed one sin is missing on that list.

SINGLE.

That’s right, you heard it here first. Being single is a sin. Or at least that’s what “they” would have you believe.

You know the they’s I’m referring to, don’t you? Those wonderful well-meaning friends or family members who are in happy committed (though those adjectives don’t always apply) relationships. If you aren’t sure, please take the quiz below:

1. When you talk to these people, their second question after “how are you?” is “so are you seeing anyone?”.

2. They try to get you to meet their other single friends by sneakily tacking them onto group events.
Example conversation:
Married Friend: “oh my friend will be there too.
Me: What friend?
MF: My recently single friend. I invited him/her because I didn’t want you to feel like a third wheel. He/she is awesome, they like (insert something you like) too, so you’ll have lots to talk about.
Me: Right. I can see this being totally NOT awkward at all.

3. You can talk about how happy you are being single, and their response is “oh don’t worry, you’ll find someone” (at which point I try to remember when in the conversation I mentioned a worry about needing a boyfriend).

4. They tell you to “just get out there”, or “you’re not trying hard enough”. Or they’ll bring up way their best friend’s cousin’s mom met a guy. (Did I unknowingly ask for dating tips by blinking Morse code?)

5. They tell you to “lower your standards” because “you’re too picky”. (He’s single. You’re single. You must have TONS in common.)

If you answered yes to any of the questions, you too have a “they” in your life. Unfortunately there is no cure, and it seems that as you get older and remain single, “they” get even worse.

More and more of my friends are pairing up, and having kids. And as I get invited to more and more weddings and baby showers, I am getting used to being stuck at the table with the crazy aunt who makes sweaters out of her 5 cat’s fur (that could be my future, actually).

In this “us” vs. “them” world, it seems to have been built best for twos. Going out for dinner (not takeout), going to a movie, going to a concert, buying food from Cost-Co…it seems doing things alone is to be abhorred and avoided at all costs. But I’ve learned to never let being single hold me back from enjoying things I love. I go to movies alone. I got to concerts alone. There is no shame in that, and if anything it’s a confidence boost.

In the year and four months I’ve been single, I really feel like I’ve learned a lot about myself:

1. I’m a goof and a nerd. I will not pretend to be cool in front of you just to make you like me. If you don’t like my weirdness, it’s best to leave now. I only get weirder.

2. I am not perfect, and I don’t want you thinking I am. Don’t worry; I don’t think you’re perfect either.

3. Being alone or single is not a bad thing. If I went from man to man, with no space in between, I would never be able to figure out who I am, without a man.

4. In a case of being alone for the rest of my life or with the wrong person the rest of my life, I will 100% never hesitate to pick being alone.

5. I will never settle for less than I think I deserve. (Though this is more of a moving target because I frequently think I’m pretty worthless and don’t deserve happiness.)

So dearest, darling, paired-off friends, please don’t try to fix me up; being single does not mean I’m broken.

(My blog titles are song titles. Today’s is “Fix You” by Coldplay.)

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I wanted to add one more thing to this blog post, a video I found on YouTube that I really liked, called “How To Be Alone”…enjoy! 😀

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4 thoughts on “Fix You [Up]…

  1. Love this post hun. As someone who spent the majority of my 20s being single, I can 100% relate. You are beautiful and completely whole just the way you are. I’m probably a little bit guilty of the trying to “fix you up” stuff – I should know better since I got that from friends for years and years. I shall cease.

    I really like that video too. Makes me a little nostalgic actually 🙂 Not to take away from the life I have now (because I love both my baby girl and my love) but there’s a certain freedom in being single that’s hard not to miss. Embrace and enjoy I say. I think you are doing just that.

  2. When in a relationship/married, “So, are you seeing anyone?” quickly turns into, “So, when are you having babies?” Which is just as annoying! I hate “them.”

    Also, going to movies alone is awesome! 🙂

  3. You know what people always forget about single? – that amazing sense of freedom. I have to say, I miss being able to pack up my bags and travel wherever the heck I want (when I want). I miss watching hours of god awful reality shows on my cheap box TV. And I certainly miss eating chips for breakfast.

    Sometimes, I would give anything to be completely selfish all over again. We all have impulses, bad habits and ridiculous behviours that by the very least, get “modified,” when we’re in relationships.

    While I am very happy with my current boyfriend, I will never forget those days of absolute self-indulgence and freedom. I treasure the life I’ve created with with him, but also the one I’ve left behind.

    So Hilary, I encourage you to relish every moment of single life while it lasts. More than likely, you are having more fun than half of those “great” couples out there. Dating, to me, was always a waste of time until I met the right guy on MY terms.

    Here’s three cheers to smart, ridiculous and single women out there 🙂

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