Roses…

Schadenfreude. Defined as “pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others”, it’s certainly something a lot of people are guilty of feeling at some point in their lives. Myself included.

That said, this blog post will not be supplying you with feelings of schadenfreude. It’s going to be one of those really annoying “happy” and dare-I-say “optimistic” posts, which, if you’ve been reading my blog long enough, you’ll know is highly out of character for me.

If I still have your interest and attention, I’m going to proceed.

I am guilty of wanting to speed up my life. If my life was a music playlist, I’d constantly be listening to the first minute of a song, and then skipping to the next one.

It may have even been before this, but the earliest I remember feeling this way was in Grade 9. We were moving to Edmonton, and all I wanted to do was be in high school. Naturally, once I was in high school, I wanted to be in college. When I hit college, I wished I was graduated and working. At some point during the college phase, I started wishing I was married, as I attended more and more of my friends’ weddings.

Instead of appreciating each phase of my life, I couldn’t wait to be onto the next one. It wasn’t “drive”; it was more of a “glossing-over”. Instead of stopping to smell my life’s roses, I was sprinting by them so quickly I didn’t even realize I’d passed flowers.

A few weeks ago, I was letting my mind wander and I had the stunning realization that for the first time in a long time, I was completely content in my life right now. I am not fighting with the desire for marriage and babies, despite many of my friends having both.

I am seeing a fantastic and amazing guy, who has made me more smitten than I even thought possible. He seems to be a hybrid of all the characteristics I like best from every guy I’ve ever had a crush on before, so he’s like SuperMan-Friend.

I have a great apartment in a central location, which is maybe a little “tired” but I love it. I have a cute car that is the perfect blend of “sweet ride” and practicality. I have amazing friends who love me for me, and have really been supportive of over the past couple years.

I have a job, in the field that I want to be in. It’s not perfect (what job is?) but I’m learning a lot, which I think is what I need right now. Not to mention it’s an easy commute (I walk to work most days).

Of course, I still want things. I want marriage. I want children. I want a different job. I want a bigger home. I want a faster car.

But for once I’ve stopped to smell the roses. And darn-it-all if they don’t smell wonderful!

(As always, my blog titles are song titles. This song is “Roses” by Kanye West.)

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One thought on “Roses…

  1. Barbara says:

    Awareness that you are in this “happy place” is important. The feeling may not last so the rose analogy is apt. Life itself is indeed fleeting. Seal this time in your memory bank like a pressed flower. I am happy for you.

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